I‘ve had enough, had enough, yeah

104-1044530_malta-malta-eurovision-heart-clipartMalta
Emma Muscat
I Am What I Am

Ah Malta. Lovely lovely Malta. They love the Eurovision in Malta, and they love us. Every year without fail they give us 10 or 12 points, even when we enter rubbish like this.

In return we give them nul points and then send them thousands of gurning, thuggish holidaymakers to urinate against their beach bars and harass their daughters every summer.

It all used to be so different, largely because in the olden days when you had to sing in your own language, only us, Ireland and Malta were allowed to sing in English – so dumb Britain always gave 12 to Ireland and 10 to Malta, alternating in odd years.

We even gave them points when they had the brass neck to enter this Japanese Vodka Just Dance song that sounds like a sort of nightcore version of the George Baker Selection’s Una paloma blanca. Spy 1 to Spy 4, I’ve deciphered the code.

After thinking for a couple of weeks in 2021 that this year’s contest might have been in Valetta, this year we’re back in the depths of early issue X Factor winners singles for the artist that won MESC, Emma Muscat.

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I really wanted this weird silver spacesuit threepiece with a fiddle to win, but alas Emma somehow scraped through with a frighteningly pedestrian mid-tempo soul pop song “Out of Sight”. She then panicked when everyone else in Europe that heard it fed back that it was awful, but given the delegation spent half the broadcaster’s budget their entry on Betfair last year, all they could afford was “I am what I am” – a song very of the yellow-sticker out-of-date Eurovision songwriters’ bargain shelf.

I mean I don’t know. Is it good? Is it bad? Am I simply going mad? Is it fiction? Or fact? Am I really losing tact? Is it magical? Logical? Natural? I wonder. It’s a song that really, makes me chunder.

As Roy Delaney points out on the Twitter, you only get what you pay for.

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Published by

Jim Dickinson

@Wonkhe SUs. Trustee @WinchesterSU. HE policy. Pop. Pro EU(rovision). Windmills not walls. FRSA. Dreams of visiting Moldova. A brunch. Dressing up. A feeling.

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